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15 years ago
While most coaches are preparing for the upcoming season by getting game plans and planning the season, ND has sent its large eyesore on the sideline Charles Weis on a promotional tour.
Here he is pimping Arby's:
And Taco Bell:
And McDonalds:
Showing up on dancing with the stars:
Cameo on South Park:
Really makes me excited for the season knowing "Coach" is out their eating his way through this fine country of ours.
A Love Eternal....at lease until the inevitable Myocardial Infarction.
0 comments Posted by Knute Cockne at 9:00 AM
You lift me up on darkest nights,
Giving me strength to take to flight.
You carry me through the brightest day,
Providing the energy to find my way.
You warm the cockles of my muscled heart,
I fear my future if we were ever torn apart.
I am hear to shout my love not for trivial things,
But to proclaim for posterity, my devotion to CHICKEN WINGS.
Though of much grease and fat they may consist,
It is upon them which I most desire to subsist.
If ever I were to lose those wings that are fried,
I know that my soul would most assuredly die.
Most might think my passion to be coaching,
But this is a subject I have long feared broaching.
You can take the band and the Golden Dome,
As long those wings are waiting for me at home.
You can have those restaurants with a fine soufflé,
I prefer a chicken shack with an all you can eat buffet.
Buffalo, teriyaki, bar-b-que, or even cooked by Tom Tupa,
Any type will do, as long as they live forever in my FUPA.
Dynasties rise and fall and football players come and go,
But there is something on this earth that I will always love just so.
I may be kicked out of BW-3’s for hooering all of their Asian Zing,
But nothing can quench my desire for just one more CHICKEN WING.
Giving me strength to take to flight.
You carry me through the brightest day,
Providing the energy to find my way.
You warm the cockles of my muscled heart,
I fear my future if we were ever torn apart.
I am hear to shout my love not for trivial things,
But to proclaim for posterity, my devotion to CHICKEN WINGS.
Though of much grease and fat they may consist,
It is upon them which I most desire to subsist.
If ever I were to lose those wings that are fried,
I know that my soul would most assuredly die.
Most might think my passion to be coaching,
But this is a subject I have long feared broaching.
You can take the band and the Golden Dome,
As long those wings are waiting for me at home.
You can have those restaurants with a fine soufflé,
I prefer a chicken shack with an all you can eat buffet.
Buffalo, teriyaki, bar-b-que, or even cooked by Tom Tupa,
Any type will do, as long as they live forever in my FUPA.
Dynasties rise and fall and football players come and go,
But there is something on this earth that I will always love just so.
I may be kicked out of BW-3’s for hooering all of their Asian Zing,
But nothing can quench my desire for just one more CHICKEN WING.
- Charlie Weis
Head Football Coach, Notre Dam
2009
A Golden Domed school like Notre Dame historically has been the type of school that recruits players on reputation alone. It has also been said that the master of the Chicken Wing is also the master recruiter. However there is an interesting trend this year....
According to this article here, Notre Dame's incoming draft class will not even rank in the top 25.
Why could this be?
- Notre Dame's terrible performance in the past couple years?
No way, this is still a fine institution and athletes come here for not only a solid athletic career but also for a great education.
- There aren't as many Catholics?
This is crazy, I just read about some chick that had like 19 kids. She is still trying for more because it is "Gods Plan". That's a good Catholic for you.
The actual reason why the ND incoming class will be weak is simple. While Weis has been known as a closer once he gets into a living room, the problem is, he no longer fits in living rooms. His waist size of 140 does not allow him the ability to enter the average size house any more.
Notre Dame actually constructed Weiss his own custom home from a hollowed out Chick Fillet restaurant.
"an academic unit dedicated to the ideals of excellence and independent thinking...
to teach those disciplined habits of mind, body and spirit that characterize educated, skilled and free human beings." -ND student athlete mission.
When comparing student athletes, Notre Dame prides itself on the conviction of the youngsters that enroll. I decided to celebrate in the strong moral fortitude shown by ND student athletes by recognizing two such individuals...
Nothing says strong moral conviction by celebrating a 23-7 loss to Michigan State like partying all night and driving on sidewalks. In all 37, fine educated, skilled and free human beings were arrested for celebrating the ass kicking MSU handed to the Irish. Why leave it all on the field when you can stay up all night celebrating the storied institution.
Police say however one got away from the party. The only description given was that it looked like a minivan on legs. They were able to follow the suspect several blocks by a trail of chicken wing bones that was left behind. The trail went cold however outside of the local KFC.
We found the missing diary of Charlie Weis from when he was a freshman at Notre Dame. A little known fact is that he shared a dorm room with another fresh faced kid that year, Joe Montana. Above is an actual picture from Charlie's actual diary. Some real juicy tidbits in there, folks. For example;
- Charlie got kicked out of an All-You-Can-Eat establishment for eating 2 quarts of mashed potatoes, 1 gallon of gravy, 39 chicken wings, 43 slices of meatloaf, and 2 lbs of roast beef. To quote Charlie, "Ridiculous!!! I hate them!!"
- Charlie got upset at 11:32 on a Saturday night when Joe brought a girl back to the dorm. When Joe caught Charlie hanging around in the room, he stuffed a dirty sweat sock in his mouth. This caused Charlie to write, "He really thinks he's something. He will not be as successful as I will be, this I VOW!! Charlie Weis will be a bigger name at Notre Dame than Joe Montana!!!" And then, "I hate him. I want to have sex with him, I mean kick his ass. I'm hungry."
- The next morning, the post read, "I don't know what happened last night. I woke up ...this morning surrounded by chicken carcasses and used condoms. I don't remember anything.... I'm hungry."
Fascinating stuff people. It really gives us an insight into what made this buffoon the buffoon he is today.
Certainly many of you are asking the same question; What the Hell is a FUPA? Quite simply, FUPA is an acronym for Fat Upper Pussy Area. Obviously, anything having to deal with a pussy is normally reserved for the female of any species, but Charlie has done such a great job of cultivating the elusive male version of this anomaly, that it has to be celebrated. In the photo at left, you'll see it circled in red. This is not to be dismissed, as it really is a "beaut."
Most men take measures to attempt to hide their lack of physical fitness (of which the FUPA is the bastard child) with loose fitting, dark colored clothing. Charlie, however, is not most men. He chooses to celebrate, and even revel in, the glory that is his FUPA. We suggest you do the same. If God be with Notre Dame, Charlie, and his FUPA, who can be against them?
Everyone, I'm just tickled to death (oops, bad choice of words) to have the opportunity to speak about what this giant tub has done to our once proud tradition. We're gonna write, write, write about what this buffet-hoovering miscreant has done to what was left of Notre Dame football. It's a disgrace, and I can't take it anymore. George Gip and I are pissed, and you're gonna hear about it.
Stay tuned for an exclusive interview with Charlie Weis as he recovers from knee surgery
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