The Fighting Flat-Topped Fat Ass

Everyone, I'm just tickled to death (oops, bad choice of words) to have the opportunity to speak about what this giant tub has done to our once proud tradition. We're gonna write, write, write about what this buffet-hoovering miscreant has done to what was left of Notre Dame football. It's a disgrace, and I can't take it anymore. George Gip and I are pissed, and you're gonna hear about it.